I wish there were an implant for meds.

I suck at taking my medicine.

The best thing about the Mirena IUD is that I do not have to ever think about it. I just have to go to OBGYN at my 30th birthday, take it out, get a new one. Repeat 5 years later. How simple is that?

I didn’t pass my doctor’s mental health screening (does anyone really?) and he has sent me on a wild goose chase to “get better.” Sure, I could probably use some mood stabilizers, but I am not over here trying to kill myself or threatening people. I keep to myself and I wish that were fine.

So, back on Prozac and Risperdal. He threw in Trazodone, but that’s not helping at all. And I finally got a prescription to get more Imitrex also, which for the first time ever did not work on Friday. I’ve never had a migraine that did not subside with 50 mg of Imitrex. But I also keep getting worse and worse with the pain and severity. I really wish they had some testing they could do while someone is having a migraine to pinpoint the issue and see if it’s fixable.

So far I have forgotten Prozac twice and Risperdal three times. I’m not forgetting the Trazodone, but it’s not working anyways so I have no idea why I am taking it.

But the ARNP shrink is actually pretty darn awesome. He gave me a reading list, two houses to swing by and look at (we share a love for charming architecture), a contact for a job lead, and gave me the names of some really awesome art galleries to go to. On top of that he has ordered me to write a book.

The only people who have ever told me that are two of my ex-husband’s other victims. One before me and one after me. We didn’t even get to the subject of Mr. Sociopath.

Off I go to clean this house while the kids are gone for another hour or so.

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Hateful. Evil. B*tch.

It’s a shame, really. I used to be a very nice, clever, fun girl.

Then it happened. I met *him.* I won’t call him out by name, because the good Lord knows he will find pleasure in that sick mind of his, as he is constantly stalking and waiting for another pounce in his delusional cat-and-mouse game.

Now don’t get me wrong, I think I’m still nice, clever, and fun. But I have a breaking point these days. It’s called: “bullshit.”

I do not put up with bullshit anymore.

I also do not put up with emotionally abusive, physically abusive, rude, obnoxious men. AKA: my ex-husband. I absolutely cannot stand him.

And he has turned me into a hateful, evil, bitch. To. The. Core.

This morning I jumped on the computer to read the news and drink my Shakeology. I saw a headline: “Pacific man dies in one-vehicle crash.” Before my ex-husband, that would make me sad. Fascination of the abomination would take over, and I’d read it to be sure it was nobody I know. These days, I see something like that and think, “Ooooh, fun – I hope it was *****!” Only to read it and be sad for the person who died because surely they are not a worse person than Psycho.

Another Lovely – Bette Midler “The Rose”

Some say love, it is a river – that drowns the tender reed

Some say love, it is a razor – that leaves your soul to bleed

Some say love, it is a hunger – an endless aching need

I say love, it is a flower – and you, its only seed.

It’s the heart, afraid of breaking – that never learns to dance

It’s the dream, afraid of waking – that never takes a chance

It’s the one, that won’t be taking – that cannot seem to give

It’s the one, afraid of dying – that never learns to live

When the night has been to lonely, and the road has been too long

And you think that love is only for the lucky and strong

Just remember in the winter, far beneath the bitter snow

Lies the seed, that with the sun’s love in the spring, becomes the rose.

“The Rose”

Sung by Bette Midler

Don’t like it.

Well, yesterday was an absolute disaster.

My son turned eight, and he’s been spending the week at my parent’s house and down at our property for Spring Break.

He came home last night for a birthday party.

But… apparently we didn’t pay our electric bill this month and they shut us off.

Of course!

My luck!

The ice cream was melted completely.

The milk was warm.

I’d just gone to the grocery store and spent $300 on food – most of which was ruined.

We had a birthday party in the dark.

It was an absolute disaster.

The sparkler candles I bought didn’t even sparkle.

Oh well, he got presents and cake – he was happy.

I hope.

We stayed in a dive motel last night.

It was OK but I’d have rather been at home.

I went to pay the electric bill this morning…

They didn’t want to accept one of the $100 bills because it was a misprint and it was a new bill, so they accused me of having a counterfeit.

I protested, and a manager allowed the bill.

Thank God.

I called Ameren UE.

They saw I’d made more than the agreed payment of $274 so they were happy about that and scheduled the electric service to be reconnected.

I pray they turn it on today and don’t make us wait until Monday.

I’m hoping that since I got it paid first thing this morning and didn’t wait until 3 pm or some other nonsense that they’ll get to me today.

When I got to work this morning someone had been at my desk messing with stuff.

My coaster I brought from home is a glass one and you can put a picture in it.

I never use it for anything except a coaster because I’m constantly using it.

It was sitting upright against the wall like a picture would be.

My hand sanitizer which I use religiously was turned around backwards.

It was just odd.

I don’t see why anyone would be using my computer, let alone be at my desk, and even further be messing around with my stuff.

Obnoxious.

I don’t like it – I don’t like it one bit.

Oh well.

Right?

Holy cow, it’s 11 already?

Today is flying by.

I just realized it’s 11:00 already.

I love it when the day speeds by like this… totally beats the day going by like a tortoise.

I need to run to get lunch soon – Culver’s sounds good today.

Husband and Littlest are at home “sick” today.

In other words, Husband has a hangover and Littlest has a cough, so Husband is claiming Littlest is deathly ill so that he can stay home today.

Yay for Husbands who don’t get paid vacation or sick days and decide to stay home anyway.

He’d kill me if I took an unpaid day off!