I’m not sure what happened to my husband.
Maybe reality shook him to the core. Maybe he finally hit rock-bottom.
I’m not sure.
What I am sure of – is that he is actually going to AA meetings. It is a stipulation of his probation that he goes – but being as they are anonymous there is no real way for the Probation department to truly make sure he is going to meetings. In the past, he would just have friends sign a paper with a date and their first name.
Now he is actually going to the meetings. He quit drinking about two weeks ago. On Wednesday he did go to a friend of his house and had like 6 beers and came home drunk, but I wouldn’t entertain it. I attacked him gently about it, and I think it got to him. He told me that what happened was the man whose house he had just finished working on bought him a case of beer, even though he told the man he would prefer the cash over the beer because he is an alcoholic. The man bought the beer anyway. My husband, being too polite to not accept it, well, accepted it. He went to his friends house and they drank it. He left the remaining beer there.
I think he truly wants to change. I’m not sure if he knows the heap of trouble he’s in or not – but he’s in a massive heap of trouble.
On Father’s Day he went crazy. He did not appreciate anything we were doing for him, and each time we spoke to him, looked at him, or even came near him he went ballistic. We had a huge blow-out with him calling me “cunt” over and over, to the point where I kicked him out and he left. He pushed me, he hurt my holdest physically, and he screamed at Middle, who has language delay and cannot really comprehend some things – especially drunken yelling. He told me he was going to kill me. He spat in my face and told me I’m not family to him. He told my kids that they are pieces of shit.
My last nerve was gone. He now has a warrant for his arrest for disturbing the peace – which is a petty warrant which will require him to stay in jail on a 24-hour hold. No biggie, seeing as he really fucked up this time.
However, this one petty warrant is enough to send him to prison, because he is on Probation for domestic issues. It will be a direct violation of his probation and he will be screwed. I told him when he first got back home from jail that I would never do that again – I told him that if he ever went back to jail or prison that we would have an automatic break-up and that I would just not deal with the stress. I told him I wouldn’t send him money, visit him, or accept his phone calls. He’d be dead to me.
Well, he nearly was. But now he’s actually stopped buying a 12-pack and drinking it on a daily basis. He inquired about marriage counseling (but that’s on hold for now because the counselor wants us to try this “HALT” thing – more on that in a minute). He is actually attending AA meetings, and he is actively searching for different ones to find one that really fits for him.
I don’t think he realied that there are litereally thousands of AA meetings every month here where we live.
HALT. It’s this thing the marriage counselor told my husband about that she/he wants us to try. It stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired. When you get in a stupid argument or fight, someone can say “HALT” if they are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired, and the conversation must end at the point and go no further. I tried it, but my husband just yells and tells me I’m playing a game with it and not doing it right. I think I am though, I think he is just having a hard time accepting that he’s mean to me a lot. I say “HALT” when he hasn’t eaten and is yelling at me; when I am lonely (which is a lot because he refuses to spend time with me anymore) and he is being mean. I don’t say “HALT” until he starts screaming.
I don’t think it really works for us, but it’s a start I guess. We’ve only been trying it for about a week.
It doesn’t help that money is tight. His boss owes him for 2 weeks worth of work. A friend of us owes us money for a job he did at their house. My brother owes us for a truck he bought from us. Everyone owes us money and promises to pay, but we haven’t seen more than $150 of the $1,800 that is owed to us over the past two weeks. It’s stressful.
I’m glad he’s going to AA meetings instead of drinking though. He’s been going to them a lot, and I haven’t inquired about it, but I have told him I’m glad he’s going… because I am.
I think the kids and I will take off out of the house here in a little bit and do some running. I have a parcel at the Post Office that I need to pick up, I need to buy some shampoo and conditioner as well as grab some groceries.